To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I love having hate sex.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
