I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
