I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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