Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
one might say we're banned from that church
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
