Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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