now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
