i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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