I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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