he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
