just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
