Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
