Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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