I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
