I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
