After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize
