Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
