He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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