iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
