my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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