i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
