i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
