addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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