he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
