Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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