i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
