After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
