i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
