Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
