MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
