You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
