Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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