hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
