We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
