we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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