What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
