I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Couch. On fire.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize