Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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