I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
