Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
