A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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