Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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