HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
