She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
