I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
