I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize