doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
