And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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