I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
