Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
