i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
