happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.