her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.