Do you still have your period?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
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One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
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And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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