If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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