ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
