I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
