remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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