As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
