i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
