My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you had me at cake vodka
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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