Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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