I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
