Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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