I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
