Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
