Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The beer is more important than you right now.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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