Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Randomize
