Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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