I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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