I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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