o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
