Pappa wants mamma naked
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
