the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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