I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize