Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
