What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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