thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
