I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
