google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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