u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
